i'm an overachiever in GIVING homework. but in reality, i am an under-achiever in actually DOING the homework i give. there is grace in this class. i'm a momma, i understand. one of my #1 rules in the groups i lead is: even if you don't get your homework done, still come! you will learn something and 9 times out of 10, i probably didn't get all of it done either.
another thing i learn often is this: no matter how much time and effort i put into planning a schedule of a class of how it's going to go...God has a different plan. which i love. and i must also say...is hard for me. i like order. but i am also falling in love with flexibility and fun. enjoy the ride, andrea. which brings me to one of the most important things discussed last wednesday...
we will be getting together weekly from now on. women kept kindly asking if this could be a weekly thing. this is such a need. how could i say no?! women are falling in love with their husbands! women are wanting to work on their marriage. work on their passion. women are full of love for their husbands when they leave. husbands are seeing a difference.
also, i'm finding there is so much to cover and we have such a large group that we will be meeting from 6:30-8 from now on.
the rule, however, does not change for the 'come when you can' policy. this is a summertime laid back study.
so the homework from the 1st get together was read the 1st 3 chapters. we only got thru the 1st one! so much good stuff!
ok so here's how it's going to go...i will give the location of dr. leman's words and i will bold his words. then i will add my comments.
p.2 1st paragraph- (but never verbalizing)
this is the key! in this chapter the key is COMMUNICATION!
p.3 3rd paragraph- One night she may be up for adventure or a rushed quickie....'take her'...slow, languid sex.
girls!! how is our man going to know if we don't communicate!
p.4 last sentence- Sexual fulfillment didn't come overnight for Jim and Karen.
do you hear this?! it takes TIME.
p.6-7 the story of Mark and Brenda starting with (in middle of the page) deciding to make a change...
*mark WANTED to tell brenda. let me tell you for your husbands my sweet girlfriends...he misses you. he longs for you to be the eager woman you used to be.
*over and over again in mark and brendas story are the words, 'wasn't able to read' and 'didn't understand'. can we change this about us, wives? i challenge us. we are up for it! to be women of understanding!
p.7 in middle of page- thankful that mark didn't pressure her for sex anymore.
thankful. this makes me sad. this puts a lump in my throat. my heart drops and aches. she is 'thankful' that he's getting filled with something else. this will be hard to hear girls...but...he is not just being a nice guy. he is filling that void with something else.
p.7 mid page- the kids noticed...
all i want to say here is...THEY. DO. they notice affection or lack thereof.
p.7 towards bottom- meet her emotional emptiness thru her children's affection.
this is a dangerous place friends. don't put that pressure on your kids. your LASTING, hear me, lasting relationship will be more healthy.
a few times i have been asked about the amazing change in heath and i's marriage. what study did i do? what prayers did i pray? what scripture? and i always want there to be this quick fix answer for my friends. but the truth is, my marriage has been a long journey of changing me. i am the only person i can change. God does the rest...and does a pretty good number on me at the same time.
so the morning before this get together, i was praying and jotting down all the goods God was throwing at me for us wives. (some thots are from matt's message at http://www.celebration247.com/podcasts/podcasts called 'dudes'. great message honoring men)
*what has God created in your man that you can build up? not tear down.
*what positive things can you breathe into your babe?
*what you see that might drive you crazy is a strength and how he was created to be used by God. for example, my 2 year old garrett is constant. it can drive me absolutely crazy that he is nonstop energy and binging from here to there OR! i can pray into him for this to be used for God and what God has for him in the future. and for me as his momma to direct him that way. girls, this is important for us to do for our sons and it is important for us to do for our husbands.
i want to breathe into us as wives...
*don't punish your man for being a man. masculinity is everything we've ever wanted.
*we undermine their leadership by talking bad about him to girlfriends and in front of our kids. if you want to lead. lead your family by building up your man.
*we need to build our men up. we should be their biggest advocate. we should be their #1 fan. breathe encouragement, love, forgiveness, respect, and admiration into him. this will strenthen him. you want to be the woman of your man's dreams? watch what comes out of your mouth. ron grubb (life church, lancaster, ohio) put it this way one time and it stuck with me...'when i speak, your name is safe in my mouth'.
*we want that leadership, we want our men to take care of us. and one thing that rang out in matt's message was this:
'when he leads, FOLLOW, even if you don't agree with where he's going.'
it hit me. it hit me with heath and i's relationship. it hit me with God and i's relationship. you want him to be the leader. Let him! this goes for directions is the car. for parenting (o yes that one has been coming up a lot at our house). for major decisions in your life. pray for him in all those areas. pray for him to be the spiritual leader of your household. AND THEN...make steps towards that. this means biting our tongue sometimes and following.
*or playing the comparison game. o! i have played this many times. you know the one...'i wish he was this or that'. 'i wish he would touch me like that'. 'i wish he would look at me like that'. girlfriends. let's make the first move! don't wait on him to touch you. don't get angry that he's not touching you OR jealous that someone else's husband is loving on their wife. touch your man gently. be the change you want to see. i love the proverb...a gentle answer turns away wrath. i have made another version...a gentle touch breaks down walls.
*know what makes your man happy and be a part of it. and you're saying 'but andrea, he doesn't care about my stuff'. my sweet girlfriends...then it isn't sacrifice. heath and i have had intense arguments about this. sacrifice hurts. sacrifice is something you hate to do but want to because you LOVE so much. this can be as simple as watching a tv show he likes to as intense and complicated as learning to love your mother in law. ron grubb said it this way: sacrifice is a give and release and not expect payment. quietly sacrifice for others.
*affirm his importance to you and the kids. tell him...even though you may want that for yourself. when people say good things about him, agree and then let your man know.
ok girlfriends...i am only halfway thru chapter 1 summary and this post is crazy long, so i will try to do the rest as part 2 tomorrow. ta ta for now!
other sheet music blogs:
http://andreahinton.blogspot.com/2011/06/marriagesheet-music-intro.html
http://http://andreahinton.blogspot.com/2011/05/bringing-sexy-back-this-summer.html
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
marriage...sheet music intro
ok wives, as we read and discuss the book 'sheet music', i'm going to try and blog a summary of what we discussed at our get togethers for the gals who miss or for anyone reading 'sheet music'. the summaries may be bullet points. thought out sentences. they may flow well OR not so well. so hang with me. grab the good stuff and 'grace' over the stuff that doesn't make sense. i have a quick secret...i do not like writing. it is not 'my thing'. i do however love teaching and seeing and hearing lives being transformed. so for the sake of the yumminess of all our marriages, i will not put off blogging because i can't formulate everything 'just so'.
soooo...down to business. or shall i say pleasure??? heehee.
this summary will be from a couple weeks ago of our first get together. so i hope my memory (ha!) serves me well or at least my notes will!
*read with your babe...if he wants to. when i started reading 'sheet music', heath said he didn't want to read it with me. so when he was watching tv one time, i sat next to him and when i came across something, i would say 'can i read this to you, it's something you are really good at.' OR 'i'm really good at this'. i now read the book to him. every single part.
*there will be things you will read in this book that maybe you don't agree with OR may make you GASP!! it's ok. you don't have to agree with everything, but for the sake of your best possible marriage, keep reading. there is so much other good stuff in there. we are each unique and different in how we view sex.
*tender. tender is the word that God keeps bringing up with me and this subject. i know this is a tender area for some. i also know when we open things up and communicate. things get healed. and we realize, we are not alone.
i promise this will not be a gigglefest. however, there will be maturity and laughter.
i also don't want this class to take away from the mystery in your bedroom. trust that i am cautious of this.
*i know a lot of wives came to the first get together nervous about what we will talk about. or. what i will make you share. sex is more about relationship than positions. we will be discussing communication. how guys think. how we think. our character. why we do what we do. why our men do what they do. how can we change for the better.
*the hard things were said during this meeting also:
gals, if we don't fill these areas of our men...they will look for it elsewhere. be it guy friends, porn, dirty magazines, other women, hobbies, etc. and when we aren't meeting their needs, they aren't filling ours and we then fill ours with other things: girlfriends, food, shopping, other men, etc. this can be dangerous and hurtful.
*i read to all the gals 'note to reader' in 'sheet music' and i read the back of the book. i also read from jen hatmaker's 'out of the spin cycle' book, bringing sexy back. you can see this book here, www.jenhatmaker.com
*i also read from God's Word. if you don't think God is all about us enjoying sex with our spouse to the fullest, then i suggest you hang out in Song of Songs for awhile. actually it won't take you long to see. 2 scriptures i read were:
song of songs 7:10...i belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. (your babe desires you gals. let him)
song of songs 5:16...this is my lover, this is my friend. (do we treat our men like our friends. if something is wrong, do we complain about it with our girlfriends? or do we talk to our men about it? also the next part of the verse is 'o daughters of jerusalem'. which to me means she was talking POSITIVE and LOVE about her babe to her girlfriends. which leads to a rule in 'sheet music' that i stole from MOPS...'no husband bashing'.)
*one of my favorite quotes i stole from my friend amy, who i'm sure stole it from someone else, is this:
marriage is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
i am a lover of words and each of these words in this quote has so much taste to it! practice. passionate. friends.
i was nervous our first get together because the lie in my head was that i needed to help everyone fix their marriage in one night. one summer. and that simply cannot be done. it's going to take work and effort and sacrifice. and this is the same lie that satan will try to feed you as we work on our marriages together...that nothing is changing so just give up. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS LIE. keep going. keep doing the right things. keep working. keep loving. this is a lifetime journey.
*the homework at our first get together was: read the 1st 3 chapters and our challenge was to 'initiate' sex with your husband.
other blogs on 'sheet music':
http://andreahinton.blogspot.com/2011/05/bringing-sexy-back-this-summer.html
soooo...down to business. or shall i say pleasure??? heehee.
this summary will be from a couple weeks ago of our first get together. so i hope my memory (ha!) serves me well or at least my notes will!
*read with your babe...if he wants to. when i started reading 'sheet music', heath said he didn't want to read it with me. so when he was watching tv one time, i sat next to him and when i came across something, i would say 'can i read this to you, it's something you are really good at.' OR 'i'm really good at this'. i now read the book to him. every single part.
*there will be things you will read in this book that maybe you don't agree with OR may make you GASP!! it's ok. you don't have to agree with everything, but for the sake of your best possible marriage, keep reading. there is so much other good stuff in there. we are each unique and different in how we view sex.
*tender. tender is the word that God keeps bringing up with me and this subject. i know this is a tender area for some. i also know when we open things up and communicate. things get healed. and we realize, we are not alone.
i promise this will not be a gigglefest. however, there will be maturity and laughter.
i also don't want this class to take away from the mystery in your bedroom. trust that i am cautious of this.
*i know a lot of wives came to the first get together nervous about what we will talk about. or. what i will make you share. sex is more about relationship than positions. we will be discussing communication. how guys think. how we think. our character. why we do what we do. why our men do what they do. how can we change for the better.
*the hard things were said during this meeting also:
gals, if we don't fill these areas of our men...they will look for it elsewhere. be it guy friends, porn, dirty magazines, other women, hobbies, etc. and when we aren't meeting their needs, they aren't filling ours and we then fill ours with other things: girlfriends, food, shopping, other men, etc. this can be dangerous and hurtful.
*i read to all the gals 'note to reader' in 'sheet music' and i read the back of the book. i also read from jen hatmaker's 'out of the spin cycle' book, bringing sexy back. you can see this book here, www.jenhatmaker.com
*i also read from God's Word. if you don't think God is all about us enjoying sex with our spouse to the fullest, then i suggest you hang out in Song of Songs for awhile. actually it won't take you long to see. 2 scriptures i read were:
song of songs 7:10...i belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. (your babe desires you gals. let him)
song of songs 5:16...this is my lover, this is my friend. (do we treat our men like our friends. if something is wrong, do we complain about it with our girlfriends? or do we talk to our men about it? also the next part of the verse is 'o daughters of jerusalem'. which to me means she was talking POSITIVE and LOVE about her babe to her girlfriends. which leads to a rule in 'sheet music' that i stole from MOPS...'no husband bashing'.)
*one of my favorite quotes i stole from my friend amy, who i'm sure stole it from someone else, is this:
marriage is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
i am a lover of words and each of these words in this quote has so much taste to it! practice. passionate. friends.
i was nervous our first get together because the lie in my head was that i needed to help everyone fix their marriage in one night. one summer. and that simply cannot be done. it's going to take work and effort and sacrifice. and this is the same lie that satan will try to feed you as we work on our marriages together...that nothing is changing so just give up. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS LIE. keep going. keep doing the right things. keep working. keep loving. this is a lifetime journey.
*the homework at our first get together was: read the 1st 3 chapters and our challenge was to 'initiate' sex with your husband.
other blogs on 'sheet music':
http://andreahinton.blogspot.com/2011/05/bringing-sexy-back-this-summer.html
Saturday, June 4, 2011
lovers of God
i'm praying for church as a whole today and especially our church home www.celebration247.com when i read 2 timothy 3:4-7.
Lord...be the lover of our souls. my prayer this morning is that we would be lovers of God, lovers of You. that we would find ways and times to be more intimate with you. to find pleasure in time with You. Lord that we would not just have a form of godliness but be formed by godliness and use its power. allow us to always be learning and also allow us to always acknowledge the truth. and move in that truth. may our time with You not be out of duty or going thru the motions but with love and delight. with love. in love. amen.
Lord...be the lover of our souls. my prayer this morning is that we would be lovers of God, lovers of You. that we would find ways and times to be more intimate with you. to find pleasure in time with You. Lord that we would not just have a form of godliness but be formed by godliness and use its power. allow us to always be learning and also allow us to always acknowledge the truth. and move in that truth. may our time with You not be out of duty or going thru the motions but with love and delight. with love. in love. amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)